In a Tokyo hotel:
     Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
     to do such a thing please do not read this notice.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
     The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we regret
     that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
     Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
     To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
     should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
     wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national
     order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
     Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
     Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours
     of 9 and 11 AM daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
     The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
     chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
     You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
     You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
     Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
     Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
     Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
     boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
     Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
     Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
     in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers
     beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
     Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
     Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
     Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
     Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute
     customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
     There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
     painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
     It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
     people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together
     in one tent unless they are married with each other for the purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
     Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
     sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
     purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
     Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
     Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
     good time.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
     Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
     Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
     It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as
     a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
     Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
     We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
     If this is your first visit to the USSR, then you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
     Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
     Please do no t feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,
     give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
     Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
     The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
     Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in
     the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
     Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
     room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
     When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
     him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
     then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
     - English well talking
     - Here speeching American