New Virus Listing             February 15, 1994

SANFIND Virus Center          San Real, CA  97000

BOBBIT VIRUS:  Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then re-attaches
     it. (But that part will never work again.)

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:  Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
     then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS:  Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are

MCI VIRUS:  Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
     for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS:  This revolutionary virus does not horse around.  It
     warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if
     by C:>.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
     refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:  Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how
     old it is.  If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first
     see a counsellor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS:  Activates every component in your system, just before
     the whole damn thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:  It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS:  Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:  Terminates and stays resident.  It'll be

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:  Prevents your system from spawning any child process
     without joining a binary process.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2:  Their is sumthing rong wit you're komputer, ewe jsut
     kant figyour out watt.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
     software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
     really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:  Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
     units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim
     to be the most important part of your computer.

WINDOWS VIRUS:  Will only let you choose colors and move little pictures
     around on your computer.

EPA VIRUS:  Requires you to test daily for a chemical that was spilled in
     Sikkim in 1942.

GALLUP VIRUS:  Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38 percent of
     their data 14 percent of the time (with a margin of error of plus or
     minus 3.5 percent).

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:  Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
     from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

TEXAS VIRUS:  Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file .

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:  Takes a couple of bytes out of your apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:  The computer locks up, and the screen splits
     erratically with a message appearing on each side blaming the other
     one for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2:  Runs every program on the hard drive
     simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS:  You're in Chicago, but your data has gone to the

FREUDIAN VIRUS:  Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own

PBS VIRUS:  You programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS:  Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs
     only to appear at shopping malls and service stations across rural

OLIE NORTH VIRUS:  Causes your computer to become a paper shredder.

NIKE VIRUS:  Just does it.

SEARS VIRUS:  Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, a power
     supply, and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:  Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS:  Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:  Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then
     subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on
     expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS:  Invades your system in places no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS:  Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
     sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:  It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs ... No new
     files!"  Then it proceeds to fill up all free space on your hard
     drive with new files, and blames it on the Congressional Virus.

CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS:  Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD VIRUS:  It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
     and erases them in "self defense."

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS:  Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in
     the reviews, but you still love it.

ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS:  Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars,
     its programmer will take it back.